Runaway thoughts in the night

This is not a sad post. This is a happy post. Because I am happy and healthy now.

I just wanted to say:

I watched Runaway Bride tonight. She met the guy who read her. He unearthed her anxieties, explained them to her and helped her discover what she wanted. He offered her a future and she let her gaurd down enough to trust him. They had their happy ever after. I had to keep leaving the TV room, conveniently to finish folding the washing. Our story was like that, but it botched. And it still strikes a nerve when triggered. 

I then accidentally stumbled across your photo on our mutual friends Facebook. 

My heart both leapt and shuddered. 

The movie and the picture. Sometimes things happen all in one go, and you wonder if you should have just turned the light out at 9.30pm as you'd planned. InsteAd of getting up to see what your housemates were watching. Then scrolling through Facebook. 

So here I am. Laying in bed and musing. I have this inscription written on my wall that i read before I go to sleep: "whatever you feel, pray it. Whatever you think, bring it under submission." 

The picture I saw of you began to cloud the wolf I've come to realise you are. Looks can be so deceiving. And to me you were very good looking. But just as quick, I felt comfort and wisdom ministered to me. Must be all the prayers from mums prayer group ;)

I was delivered from evil, delivered from the temptation. From being with you. You are a wolf. Yes, your parents screwed you over. Yes your childhood experiences of church screwed you over. But C There is always a choice to yield to evil. There is always a choice. You may have been predisposed to it all, but there is always a choice. Moment by moment, there is a choice. 

I pray for you now. You've been released from me. I've been released from you. 

But still, this song began to play in my heart. And I want to share it here. 

You know what. Everybody has their burden to bare. 
Couples have marital issues. Or trouble conceiving. Or their child gets sick, or dies. Or a mum gets diagnosed with cancer and she is the one who holds their entire family together.

Everyone has a thorn in their side, a thorn that threatens to cripple them. And keeps them awake with movies that play over and over in their head.

I thank God for the thorns that point me to Jesus. I never knew such depth of comfort to a broken heart until I felt your barb.

Gods love pierced my darkness, broke into my night and delivered me. Love outran me and Persued me despite my resistance. I was a slave to my situation and now I am free.

I am free. In Christ I remember who I am. Where I've been. Where I'm going. As I fix my thoughts on Him, the movies stop playing, and I am kept in peace. I no longer fear of missing out, and I taste the fullness of being alone with God.

2016, I welcome you. Under God's auspices, I've hit reset and I welcome, come what may.