working thoughts

i'm trying this thing where i write out everything i daydream about at work so that i can focus more at work.

pre-tense: my climate is that i'm over work christian. like. i don't ever think about him, i have no desire for him. i'm not wounded, i don't carry around the shame, stigma or embarrassment any more. i don't get angry unless directly provoked, and can liase with him as a colleague without much emotion. generally, my climate is sunny blue skies with the occasional cumulus cloud. 

but occasionally. he plays games. he catches my eye with a seductive look and gives a small smirk. i get thrown a bit by them. like yesterday. it was fine, let it pass. but then it happened again today. i get foggy in my head and can't focus on my task at hand. 

and so i decided now to write out what's in my head.  

it's just very disappointing. you are very disappointing. you are an illusion.

you are probably a 2 year old little boy, trapped in a 38 year old's body. the rest is filled up with loads and loads of learned social norms. and you keep yourself afloat in the world by stepping on others and using them to pull yourself up. i hate your personality disorder. i pray that Jesus rescues that 2 year old boy and raises him up. 

it's sad. you won me over then spiritually, all i discovered were your 7 heads.pride. lust. wrath. greed. gluttony. sloth. envy. i hate your demons. i pray that Jesus would break their power in your life and drive them all out.

i have no idea what you'd look like without them. But that 2 year old would need a father. 

i pray you hear His voice calling you and you find Him. 

and i pray that i continue to release you. i pray i keep tending my garden with the Lord, resting in the wrestle to maintain peace.

i'm asleep in the Lord, and am decided against awakening the next season until i know it's due time.

single and simple ;)