Life goals

As a Christian, what do we think of when we read passages such as Acts 4 when John and Paul healed a paralysed man in Jesus name, then used the opportunity to share the truth of the gospel to the witnesses? 

would I ever be in the headspace enroute to where I was going to talk to a disabled person? 

Would I actually believe God wanted to heal a disabled person in today's day and age? 

Am I ever in a place long enough in my spiritual walk to be able to maintain going to the shops or work to hear from God, act and then see healing and preach about it?

Once upon a time I did. Growing up in youth group, wanting to see souls saved for Christ absolutely consumed me.

If I search my heart deep enough, Do I even want to lead that kind of extraordinary life? 

I spend my days preventing children from entering State Care, working with families whose children who are abused physically, emotionally and sexually, and consulting with Management about executing joint apprehensions with police. My staff and I are placed in highly dangerous situations on a regular occasion and we deal with the type of trauma that would make anyone's heart break. To unwind, we laugh, joke and shake off the bad cases once they're dealt with and get ready for the next case. 

What space is there to tell colleagues about the love of Jesus when my colleagues already have their relatively healthy coping mechanisms and strong views on how the world works? They don't have a need for a saviour. 

What space is there to tell families about the love of Jesus when they are abusing their child and hate you for taking their child away from them? 

What space does a christian voice have at a table where there isn't a God who could allow the atrocities to happen and they don't really care anyway about the thought of a God? 

This leads me to wonder, what if I've got it wrong? 

What if being on fire for God is actually letting others know I'm a christian, then letting them see how I handle gossip? Or what I spend my money on? Or how much I drink st work functions? Or how I talk about the people who get under my skin? Or how I handle my authority being undermined? Or the compassion I have for the abusers who are not excused, but have trauma themselves? What if it's the opposite of how I've been so tempted and sometimes given in on in handling myself in such circumstances?

What if being "on fire" for God at 32 years old in a secular workplace is a little different to what it meant as a 16 year old in high school? 

I still wonder though how to tell people about Jesus. If I'm completely honest - I have no idea. The conversation has simply never come up, or when it does, I give a pithy ' what works for me is ... but I know everyone is different...' One time I even let the opportunity come go by laughing it off when they told me to 'trust the universe.' That time scared me. 

My hope and prayer and goal for 2021 is to seek God, be filled more with the holly spirit so I display the fruits of the spirit more, and talk about him more. I suppose the rest will fall into place? 

Steve and I are giving a new church a 6 month trial. It's renound in Perth for being 'solid' 'sound' and deeply theological -meaty. I tried going there several years ago when they ran only night services so I could grow more in my faith and maybe meet an intellectual christian GP or something but unfortunately I kept falling asleep during the sermon so I gave up going there and went back to my jam on toast church which ran services in the morning. But now I'm with steve and the meaty church now run morning services as of Dec 2020 so we are giving it a 6 month trial. We are 3 services in and absolutely loving it. 

So between this journey God has started me on and the meaty church, I hope to blossom into a mature and fruitful christian again.