Brave realities

I was running this morning listening to the three key songs which have defined my life path this year: 

1. Brave - Sarah Barelleis. Co-incidentally, the song I graduated to. And the song God has been singing to me over every brave move Ive made this year. And funnily enough, it's the song that played in my head and plastered a smile across my face during every triathlon I did. 

2. Brave Face - Delta Goodrem. The song I've sung back to God. 

3. Call it Magic - Coldplay. The song God and I have sung together. 

On this run this morning, I decided to write a new post. But I'd no idea what to write about. 

I was driving home from a gardening cleanup this arvo, and Read All About It began playing by Emille Sande. I began to cry, because so much is bubbling in my heart and I don't know how to express it. 

I wrote this in a viber message to my American friend - perhaps this gives a little insight: 

.."I write to you here because it's the closest thing I have to actually writing you a letter. From the time I began writing to you in my notepad at yelo cafe down the road, my story has chopped and changed so many times it's been impossible for my journal to keep up, let alone my letter. The lessons are constantly evolving and changing shape - and I fear I discredit them by writing them prematurely. But I just wanted to let you know that I often think of that half written letter that is somewhat expired now, and I think of you. I am more convinced now than ever before that we are to write a book some day, either separately or together. I really anticipate our reunion and pray that you too able to to sit and rest as the unforced rhythms of grace take us somewhat rapidly through the circumstances ahead..."

I got home tonight and my housemates had a bunch of friends over. It's always such a goody bag living here.

Instead of retiring to my room like Id driven home thinking was my night-to-be, I relished in my housemates guests company, which also included a nice healthy tub of Ben and Jerrys. 

Amidst the steady flow of continual guests that came in and out tonight,  I guess I just took stock of the newness in my life.

I don't have my locked-away space in my own home anymore. I don't even have a door. 

And I love it. 

Family don't tell me who I should be, how I should do things or how I should process things anymore. 

And I'm SO FREE! 

I've realised my parents did the best they could with what they had. But they passed on to me my faith. 

And there is such love and forgiveness for any mistakes they may have made.

My quiet times are nearly ALWAYS interrupted. 

And strangely enough, I don't mind. 

People I don't know, know me and where I live and who I live with. 

And it's kind of nice to be in community. 

I'm a child with an adults job. And I'm required to act like an adult. 

And while I'm TERRIFIED, Ive found courage and boldness to think, speak and act like an adult. Not just at work, but across nearly every other area of my life.

I have boundaries I've now said are not ok to cross. 

And I feel HEALTHY!

God has weeded out destructive or dysfunctional friendships from my life. 

And I'm RELISHING in the HEALTHY friendships that have been left in the vege patch! And pray for those weeded ones. 

I've discovered it's ok to be feminine and found attractive. 

And while that's SO scary, it's actually really fun. 

I've accepted that those fun memories I had with them will now never happen again. 

But this gives space for even better memories to be made. My God is in the business of redemption. 

With the help from my good (and amazing) friend David, I realised that I am worth more than someone who might not notice me. "Know your worth Katie, if he didn't see you in the 7 months you were right there, he's not worthy of you." 

And I'm liberated. (It's funny how your girlfriends can tell you the same thing over and over, but it takes the right guy at the right time to say the same thing - and only then you realise the truth!) 

For the first time in 25 years, I'm learning to accept and embrace fully embrace the woman God made me to be. 

The free, new created in Christ woman with all the Wobbly, awkward, quirky, overly friendly, booky, athletic, spiritual,  semi cautious, intuitive, healthy naughty-fun parts that make me up. 

Something happened when I moved into 261. 

I can't exactly explain it, but I'm very happy about it. Sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming. I'm so thankful, but it's a lt to let go of, a lot to unlearn, a lot to embrace, a lot to reprogram, a lot to take authority and walk in. 

I pray that I don't rush this season. I pray that I stay in my God appointed place and go at the God appointed pace. 

I'm in His grace and I'm held, sustained and guarded by Him. 

"There's no surprises in the Kingdom of God. He had a plan, a formed path for you long before you encountered this very trial. Trust Him, He knows the way." - a bunch of books and verses I've read.

And now for the biblical version of what 2014 has been for me! : 

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

 Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.

But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in the one Spirit, striving together as one for the faith of the gospel

For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have. 

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky

But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

(Philippians 1:4-6, 9-14, 18-21, 27, 29, 30, 2:1, 2, 12, 13, 15, 17 NIV)

(My favourite Sunday afternoon scene: coming home, curling up in bed with my bible and peering over it to watch the ocean ponder the verses) 

Thankyou Lordy.