Humbled

I had the day off work today and the song "All I Have Is Christ" was on replay. 

In my heart, on my brain, in my earphones. 

Last night I was confronted with a pretty big mirror. 

Like with anything - too much is unwise. Self introspection is no exception.

But there is a time and place for being rebuked, and for being brought to your knees in sadness and humility. 

Today was that day for me. I had no idea I was like that. I was so sorry. 

I slept and cried - it was so much to process! I'm not sure ever in my life have I been so humbled to repentance! 

Romans 7,8,9 were read and saved. And this song has been the song on my heart.

It's called "All I Have is Christ" by Sovereign Grace Music. 

"I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still. 

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace


Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life


Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

This song reminded me that yes I am weak and fleshly and defective. But I don't have to live under that. 

Sure I do what I don't want to do - and the good I want to do - I don't do that. 

But that's the sin in me - it's not me. 

I'm a new creation in Christ. 

I have my mind set on the spirit and I put to death those defective parts. Actively. The awareness is the trigger for me to draw out my swords. 

I'm off to find myself some weapons. 

Romans 8:

For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God."