it's all gospel work.
i'm not going to South America any more.
as outlined in my last post, i needed $5000 by the 11th jan 2014 to apply for my brazillian visa.
but what i didn't mention in my post, - this wasn't all i needed.
i'd lost peace about going to south america.
the idea of going made me feel unsettled, i didn't have my dad's blessing and i didn't have multiple confirmations from the Lord through others, as is exampled in the bible and by past experience.
on December 11 2013, I met with my pastor and shared with her my confused, frightened, exhausted heart about leaving perth solo for a developing country and doing the dts.
my pastor recommended that I give the Lord a 1-month timeline to change these internal and external circumstances and to remain surrendered.
11 dec 2013 to 11 jan 2014 was not an easy month.
it was a daily surrender.
sometimes, it was an hour by hour surrender. other times, it was minute by minute.
continually, my heart murmered things along the lines of:
"not my will be done, but yours."
"sustain me by your grace."
" hide me in the shadow of the most high."
" keep my heart quiet and steady in the hope of you alone."
i didn't want to give way to fear or doubt that the Lord couldn't do what he had promised, but i also recognised that my hope nor joy wasn't to be found in plans or things of this world either.
Many times through various ways and people, i was reassured that i would know in my heart the right way to go when the time came.
they said that i would just know the lords will.
they said he would so obviously close the wrong doors and open up the right ones.
so i kept busy on my bike and listened to john piper, chris tomlin and matt redman.
one afternoon as i lay on my bed physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted - my heart weakly whispered "God you are not this confusing or chaotic" . i wanted to give up.
i rolled over to open up the bible, and fell upon
Isaiah 30.21:
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
i had goosebumps and began to cry. i knew at that moment the Lord was sustaining me and He would go before me to carry out his purposes for my life, and the world around me.
i remembered that he wants to bring social justic to this world more than i do.
he knows how willing i am to be part of that plan, so i needed to wait upon him to use me that way in the right timing.
in the meantime, he deserved all my worship and affection.
i repented of idolising the clarity of future, and persuing that more than the Lord Jesus Christ. in a whole new way, i relaxed into the sovereign arms of my father to enjoy the sun drenched summer days as he sovereignly arranged my future.
after christmas, i moved into a house sitting house with my sister.
God knows how i love to house sit and how much my heart and soul comes alive when i'm travelling or house sitting.
11th january rolled around quickly. i still didn't have my dads blessing.
i still didn't have any money to apply for the visa.
i still didn't have peace about "stepping out in faith and going into debt".
i still hadn't recieved any confirmations that I should really be doing YWAM in south america.
i awoke on the morning of the 12th jan, literally smiling.
bursting at the seems, i jumped out of bed at 6am and went on a praise walk around scarborough.
closure.
such relief. such joy. such peace.
wow.
this new lightness and joy i hadn't experienced in MONTHS.
i felt my old self coming back - happy, carefree and like a little girl dancing in the spotlight of her father.
since the 12th jan, doors have been opening up for me in perth left right and centre. i am moving into a beach house with a bunch of girls from church next week.
it happened that fast!
moving out. like, an eternity of housesitting! but with the important duty of budgeting and planning just like it was to travel! oh it's the independence and responsibility i crave.
i've always wanted to be cautious about who i'd "pitch my tent next to", but these girls are incredible.
instead of apprehensiveness, i feel excitement about doing social work in perth.
yes, one day i think i will do an international type of social work through missions.
but for now, it would seem as though God would want me to gain experience, knowledge and skills which are first world city specific.
how wonderful and mysterious. i wonder why? but that's another chapter to look at later, in due time ;)
i'm not entirely sure yet why God allowed me to go so far down the ywam path only to pull it away from me - but perhaps it was so I could walk through an intense fire.
all i know is that God is much more interested in our holiness than in giving us what we want.
he is much more interested in our transformation to christ-like-ness on the journey than in our arrival at the destination.
God is much more interested in our worship, affection and cultivating a trustful heart than in giving in to our tantrums to know what's going on.
He wants to bring about His plans and purposes (for peace, social justice) through our lives even more than we are willing to be obedient.
Jesus must become our treasure.
during this season, i have tasted the same deep truths and revelations Abraham did as when he was promised Isaac, only to be asked by God to sacrifice him - all in order to see what was in his heart.
the same truths David did when he thought he was on track to become king, all until Saul tried to kill him - in order to cultivate and develop a faith so deep that would transpose into psalsm that have taught and inspired generations throughout the world.
the same truths joseph did when God gave him a vision of becoming king, only to be sold into slavery by his brothers for 7 years - all in order to develop his trust, faith and character in the waiting.
timing is a mysterious thing, and God has really tested me - will I persue and trust HIM more than chasing after plans or a vision i believe God gave me?
Jesus must become my treasure.
I hope I am proving faithful to this season. my life is not my own - it's His. He for some reason has withheld me from south america, and I will go where He continues to lead and guide. for now, i am enjoying His joy, peace and abundant provision in the apparent lack of south america.
part of me is attracted to doing social work in a christian setting - so i don't just put a bandaid on people's lives without being able to talk about the root issues which cause the wound - and share with them the true cure for that wound.
but the other part of me reads isaiah 58 verse 6-7:
"is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
and matthew 25. 34-40
“then the King will say to those on his right, ‘come, you who are blessed by my father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, i was a stranger and you invited me in, i needed clothes and you clothed me, i was sick and you looked after me, i was in prison and you came to visit me.’then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? when did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? when did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’“the king will reply, ‘truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
and james 2.14-19
"what does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? can faith save him? if a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
but someone will say, “you have faith, and I have works.” show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. you believe that there is one God. you do well. even the demons believe—and tremble."
and james 1.27
"religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
funnily enough, i have NEVER felt settled or the desire to stay in perth.
until now.nothing in me wants to travel right now.
i can't even believe i'm writing that.
God has so faithfully shaped my heart for perth.
so.
i will apply for jobs that will enable me to love people here in perth. provide for their practical needs here in perth. bring a healing balm to individual and familial lives which will bring peace and reconciliation in perth. gospel kinda stuff. bringing the kingdom of God to this world through good works. and if i'm not allowed to talk about Jesus, then spend all day in continual prayer to Jesus for the souls i work with.
position them to recieve Jesus by somebody who IS able to share it with them.
it's all gospel work.
as outlined in my last post, i needed $5000 by the 11th jan 2014 to apply for my brazillian visa.
but what i didn't mention in my post, - this wasn't all i needed.
i'd lost peace about going to south america.
the idea of going made me feel unsettled, i didn't have my dad's blessing and i didn't have multiple confirmations from the Lord through others, as is exampled in the bible and by past experience.
on December 11 2013, I met with my pastor and shared with her my confused, frightened, exhausted heart about leaving perth solo for a developing country and doing the dts.
my pastor recommended that I give the Lord a 1-month timeline to change these internal and external circumstances and to remain surrendered.
11 dec 2013 to 11 jan 2014 was not an easy month.
it was a daily surrender.
sometimes, it was an hour by hour surrender. other times, it was minute by minute.
continually, my heart murmered things along the lines of:
"not my will be done, but yours."
"sustain me by your grace."
" hide me in the shadow of the most high."
" keep my heart quiet and steady in the hope of you alone."
i didn't want to give way to fear or doubt that the Lord couldn't do what he had promised, but i also recognised that my hope nor joy wasn't to be found in plans or things of this world either.
Many times through various ways and people, i was reassured that i would know in my heart the right way to go when the time came.
they said that i would just know the lords will.
they said he would so obviously close the wrong doors and open up the right ones.
so i kept busy on my bike and listened to john piper, chris tomlin and matt redman.
one afternoon as i lay on my bed physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted - my heart weakly whispered "God you are not this confusing or chaotic" . i wanted to give up.
i rolled over to open up the bible, and fell upon
Isaiah 30.21:
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
i had goosebumps and began to cry. i knew at that moment the Lord was sustaining me and He would go before me to carry out his purposes for my life, and the world around me.
i remembered that he wants to bring social justic to this world more than i do.
he knows how willing i am to be part of that plan, so i needed to wait upon him to use me that way in the right timing.
in the meantime, he deserved all my worship and affection.
i repented of idolising the clarity of future, and persuing that more than the Lord Jesus Christ. in a whole new way, i relaxed into the sovereign arms of my father to enjoy the sun drenched summer days as he sovereignly arranged my future.
after christmas, i moved into a house sitting house with my sister.
God knows how i love to house sit and how much my heart and soul comes alive when i'm travelling or house sitting.
11th january rolled around quickly. i still didn't have my dads blessing.
i still didn't have any money to apply for the visa.
i still didn't have peace about "stepping out in faith and going into debt".
i still hadn't recieved any confirmations that I should really be doing YWAM in south america.
i awoke on the morning of the 12th jan, literally smiling.
bursting at the seems, i jumped out of bed at 6am and went on a praise walk around scarborough.
closure.
such relief. such joy. such peace.
wow.
this new lightness and joy i hadn't experienced in MONTHS.
i felt my old self coming back - happy, carefree and like a little girl dancing in the spotlight of her father.
since the 12th jan, doors have been opening up for me in perth left right and centre. i am moving into a beach house with a bunch of girls from church next week.
it happened that fast!
moving out. like, an eternity of housesitting! but with the important duty of budgeting and planning just like it was to travel! oh it's the independence and responsibility i crave.
i've always wanted to be cautious about who i'd "pitch my tent next to", but these girls are incredible.
instead of apprehensiveness, i feel excitement about doing social work in perth.
yes, one day i think i will do an international type of social work through missions.
but for now, it would seem as though God would want me to gain experience, knowledge and skills which are first world city specific.
how wonderful and mysterious. i wonder why? but that's another chapter to look at later, in due time ;)
i'm not entirely sure yet why God allowed me to go so far down the ywam path only to pull it away from me - but perhaps it was so I could walk through an intense fire.
all i know is that God is much more interested in our holiness than in giving us what we want.
he is much more interested in our transformation to christ-like-ness on the journey than in our arrival at the destination.
God is much more interested in our worship, affection and cultivating a trustful heart than in giving in to our tantrums to know what's going on.
He wants to bring about His plans and purposes (for peace, social justice) through our lives even more than we are willing to be obedient.
Jesus must become our treasure.
during this season, i have tasted the same deep truths and revelations Abraham did as when he was promised Isaac, only to be asked by God to sacrifice him - all in order to see what was in his heart.
the same truths David did when he thought he was on track to become king, all until Saul tried to kill him - in order to cultivate and develop a faith so deep that would transpose into psalsm that have taught and inspired generations throughout the world.
the same truths joseph did when God gave him a vision of becoming king, only to be sold into slavery by his brothers for 7 years - all in order to develop his trust, faith and character in the waiting.
timing is a mysterious thing, and God has really tested me - will I persue and trust HIM more than chasing after plans or a vision i believe God gave me?
Jesus must become my treasure.
I hope I am proving faithful to this season. my life is not my own - it's His. He for some reason has withheld me from south america, and I will go where He continues to lead and guide. for now, i am enjoying His joy, peace and abundant provision in the apparent lack of south america.
part of me is attracted to doing social work in a christian setting - so i don't just put a bandaid on people's lives without being able to talk about the root issues which cause the wound - and share with them the true cure for that wound.
but the other part of me reads isaiah 58 verse 6-7:
"is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
and matthew 25. 34-40
“then the King will say to those on his right, ‘come, you who are blessed by my father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. for I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, i was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, i was a stranger and you invited me in, i needed clothes and you clothed me, i was sick and you looked after me, i was in prison and you came to visit me.’then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? when did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? when did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’“the king will reply, ‘truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
and james 2.14-19
"what does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? can faith save him? if a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
but someone will say, “you have faith, and I have works.” show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. you believe that there is one God. you do well. even the demons believe—and tremble."
and james 1.27
"religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
funnily enough, i have NEVER felt settled or the desire to stay in perth.
until now.nothing in me wants to travel right now.
i can't even believe i'm writing that.
God has so faithfully shaped my heart for perth.
so.
i will apply for jobs that will enable me to love people here in perth. provide for their practical needs here in perth. bring a healing balm to individual and familial lives which will bring peace and reconciliation in perth. gospel kinda stuff. bringing the kingdom of God to this world through good works. and if i'm not allowed to talk about Jesus, then spend all day in continual prayer to Jesus for the souls i work with.
position them to recieve Jesus by somebody who IS able to share it with them.
it's all gospel work.
in the loving arms of our father,
exciting times ahead!
"i repented of idolising the clarity of future, and persuing that more than the Lord Jesus Christ"
ReplyDeleteThat is something I have to do daily! Thanks for the encouragement, Kate. What a gift that the Lord chose to strengthen your faith in this way, and make you so content (delighted even!) to stay in Perth for this season. I'm excited to see it unfold!
i would call it comical if i could not call it God-appointed, that this entire blog and set of thought processes are sooo wonderfully similar to the last few months of my life. Thank you for putting words to this season of life...ahh He is so sweet to our souls even when it is bitter first!!
ReplyDelete