Missing

I'm leaking.

I'm softening. I miss you.

I'm melting. I'm disappointed.

I'm leaking. I wanted it to be you.

I'm a flash-flood river moving through the valley. I'm processing deeper and moving on.

I hope the ocean is nearby. I don't want to stay here.

I wondered today why it's taking me so long to get over you. 

Maybe it's got something to do with your daily writing to me during a 4 month chase about your affection for me. Something to do with your encouraging of me in all sorts of romantic ways to trust you enough to give you a go.  Something to do with your promises of love, security and empathy to all my doubts while I was so hesitant to say yes to you. 

And how once I said yes, I felt so happy with you and fell so blindly for you, every day, for the whole 2 months. 

6 months, That's a lot of heart and head wiring.

And then how in an instant that god-forsaken Saturday night, it was all over for me. And I still struggle to pinpoint when exactly it was over for you, and for how long you were resigned from me in your heart. 

So for now, Every lyric from this song is a penned thought.

Every thought. Every ache. Every desire is submitted to my Heavenly Father and to the lover of my soul.

Yes I'm I'm this place in my heart. But I'm under His auspices and He knows what He's allowed in His sovereignty.

Severe mercies.

But Missing.