Gift

The Every now and then I get these 'gasp' moments of deep gratitude. 

In a flash, I'm  transported back to this time last year. 

Or this time 2 years ago. 

Or this time 3 years ago. 

And I'm so thankful for now. 

How the past 3 years have served to shape the woman I am today. 

More importantly, have served to create such thankfulness and gratefulness for my current life circumstances. 

I am indebted to God for the trials and sufferings which have weaned me off worldly things. Good things but external things in which I had misplaced hopes and joys.

Psalm 119.17 

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. 

The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." 

The very painful experiences over the last 3 Decembers have pruned me. (experiences all weirdly in December) 

Perhaps in a self defensive way - I don't look to the externals of my life for joy anymore. I couldn't care less for some of them. 

Some of them have become like coal in my mouth. 

Perhaps because they weren't what God had for me & I was miserable in the persuit and lacking of them. 

But now. I have nothing more than all He offers me. His job for me. His relationships for me. His sovereignty over every facet of my life. 

I open my hand daily for His bread and I eat just what he provides. 

He thumb prints my day during my 6am worship run and I walk in only the crevices he lays for me. 

And there is nothing else that's of worth to me. 

I darent step outside his boundary line and persue anything else. 

I cultivate 

Time with Him. 

For His word. 

The friendships He has woven into my life that are fun and edifying. The good characters I am surrounded by whom we help eachother become better versions of ourselves. The new job role where I am a valuable and worthy member of the team. 

No toxic friends. 

No toxic team leaders. 

No missing the persons that were not mine in the first place.

Only grateful acceptance of the boundary lines that have fallen for me in sweet places. And love for those boundary lines and for what exists within them. 

Back in August, I graduated. God brought me out of Egypt where I was a slave to the things not for me, and He led me through the Red Sea toward freedom. 

But I brought Egypt with me. So I have to still daily let go of who I was and choose every day to become who God meant me to be. And that means not positioning, not responding not dwelling. Surrendering.

I got a message from him, from her and also from her which made me feel a bit sick. I also saw that lady around the office and my heart cowered a bit. All of them reminded me of the Egypt I was set free from. 

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." - james 4.7

So I avoid them at all costs and keep my eyes fixed and focused on Jesus and the joy and path He has set before me. 

They are forgiven. That is a given. 

And if God brings them into correction and they humble themselves to the same repentant place - THAT is where kingdom reconciliation may take place. But under no other circumatances. 

Surrender. 

Surrender creates the gasp of freedom. And it's in those gasps of freedom and gratefulness that I remember. 

I am free. 

I am alive. 

I am light. 

I am Gods child. 

Not for my own glory - because I know people are attracted to light & that's it's own battleground of prideful sin for getting addicted to praise and to people loving you.

No. 

I am set free, redeemed, justified, weaned, fully satisfied and complete In my God for HIS glory. 

And it is my prayer that I can reflect Gods glory and will speak with a loose tongue about salvation and Jesus' good & redemptive work in my life. 

When you fully accept your lot and your soul says 'it is well' to what ever is before you - not wanting any more or any less than what you have..  THAT  is happiness. 

God is my portion and my joy. 

If I have Him and nothing else, I have everything. 

That can never be robbed from me, & i can never be snatched from His hand.

For the first time in 4 years, I have everything I could possibly want this Christmas. 

I have Him. All of Him. Nothing more and nothing less. Contentment and godliness. Finally. 

Thats my greatest gift of all this Christmas. I honestly couldn't ask for anything else. 

Yes & Amen.

And now just some favourites (pardon the worldly, hippy humanism  but I still agree with the wisdom ;))