GAH!! Theology and other such dinner conversations

The year I did bible college was one of the best years of my life. 

But I definately had to chew the meat and throw away the fat. A lot of fat. 

I look back now on those days and speak of them as the golden days. Truths and theology was engrained into my heart and mind which continue to frame and guide my perspectives to this day. 

But I also had to listen to a lot of things that didn't "sound" right. I looked at a lot of people's lives and saw their fruit and it didn't "look" right. So I had to throw those parts away. 

I forget that sometimes. 

Until now. 

Because God has me in a place where what I'm hearing is LIFE CHANGING. 

The conversations are leaving me stunned. Speechless. 

And for me to be speechless is a big thing. I've always got an opinion on something. 

I'm finding myself shocked at the faulty belief systems I've unknowingly held for so long. 

But as when hearing anything whiz bang, I'm skeptical. I'm wondering whether I need to be throwing away fat. 

But I just can't help that I'm finding new freedom in truth that is setting me free. 

Basically,  God cracked me about 3 Sunday nights ago at a prayer meeting. 

There had been little chips here and there  made by my housemates and other such wonderful people... 

But God cracked my shell about 3 Sunday nights ago and His light shone bright into my heart, awakening parts that had been asleep for a very long time. 

I've opened up to Him and stopped apologising for or avoiding the fleshly parts of myself. 

In a nutshell - for a long time I've  minimised my flesh and closed my heart off to feeling things of the flesh - because, well, flesh was to be crucified. 

And this is true. The flesh is to be crucified. 

But we are Spirit beings who reside in a God-wired body that processes things in a God wired heart. And He dwells within us and wants to search our hearts, know our hearts, be in our hearts and move in our hearts. He wants to comfort out hearts, raise our hearts up with Him and make our hearts fall in love with His, and help us realise our hearts are known by Him. That's what relationship with God is. He dwells within us and we enjoy life with Him. 

This brings Him glory. 

We offer our hearts to the world and as such, we offer Jesus to the world. 

God does intentional heart work with us.

We share our hearts with the world. 

Evangelism. 

We need to get real. 

We need to stop denying our feelings and sweeping them under the rug. Because the world can't identify with somebody who has it all together. Or self righteous. 

 They need to see that we have feelings too, we can get broken too. 

But we have Jesus who resides in our hearts and who raises us up. 

That's the point in evangelism by where the kingdom of God breaks into somebody's hearts. 

But we can't get to that place if we apologise for having flesh feelings, or minimising the flesh feelings we have. 

How can we shut ourself off feeling things, or repenting for feeling things, all in the name of crucifying flesh? 

Something doesn't sound right. How are we supposed to receive the intimate comforts of God if we are repenting of needing comfort? 

How are we supposed to have a testimony to share with the world if we are telling the world our feelings are unholy? 

I must admit - this all seems so strange to me. This is the way I've worked for so long. Well. More so the past year. I feel I've been quite misguided in my truth and theology. 

I just know that it doesn't work. It hasn't work. This theology made my body, heart, and spirit sick. 

And I feel that The Lord has brought key wonderful people into my life to bring me back in touch with my heart. With reality. With keys to evangelism. 

I still feel like I'm in bible college - some of the stuff I'm hearing I discern I need to throw away. But other stuff, like the stuff I've posted here - ooooh it's really got me chewing. 

Praying that John 10.29 rings true in this season: 

"My father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my fathers hand. I and the father are one." 

Whether or not this theology is true, I commit my heart and spirit to God that At all times he guides my path and makes known to me the path of righteousness for His namesake. 

- fellow pilgrim in the race of faith!! 

xx